Bliggity-Blog

I FINALLY changed my layout! I kinda like it :) truethfully it's not the one I wanted but the one I wanted didnt' have a matching header so we get this instead:)

AN UPDATE :

I'm sick. Mleck. I've been sick-ish since saturday night (today being Thursday), and it's finally gotten bad. And you see, you have to understand this Jessica a bit more to understand what I mean. Lucky me, I don't ever really get sick. So when I do I get "sick-ish". This happens...I dunno...once every one or two months. I get tight and uncomfortable in my neck and back and it makes me tired and slow in the head. But it doesn't usually last for more than two days...until this time. So, sick Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday I felt better kinda, but then Wednesday I woke up with a fever:( and I still have it today and I'm suppose to go dancing tomorrow!!! and on top of that icing, Maeby is getting sick I think too. Not to mention that I think she's been having night terrors so sleep hasn't really been happening, and that's DEFINITELY not helping the sick thing.

A...different update... might be sad for some but I dunno yet.
First let me state that if family reads this I don't mean to be mean! I swear! It's just me, and my awesome skills at not handling certain situations well. Any way :

I think we might go back to Ogden while waiting for the house to sell. I'm not handling living here very well. I feel...like I'm the little girl that grew up here, and the teenager that lived here, the teenager that cleaned a lot. And now it upsets me that I feel that I have to clean up after everyone...when it's not my responsibility. It's hard for me...being me:) to let Hal and sometimes Ellen get away with things. I'm trying to teach myself that it's not my place, and unless it has to do with my family specifically, I just don't touch it but it's hard. I feel like the oldest kid who has to watch everything again, I feel the need to play referee every time the sibs fight.

I miss being my own adult. I like having my own house, and taking care of everything. I liked doing things when I wanted, how I wanted and not having to listen to anyone. Now, I (once again, these are not angry words) have to hear how "maybe the baby is hungry Jess""maybe she sick""maybe she's tired" and I know she's not but the thought is there so I listen to it and it throws off every schedule I've tried so hard to make. And i know she's just trying to help, but, being me, it frustrates me.

Another sad (NOT meant to be a guilt trip to ANYONE I SWEAR) I moved down here because I missed all my friends SO much! And I thought if we moved I would see them all more...but I don't. And I know it's my own lazy fault. But...I ...I dunno. I just think I could keep up the same relationships up in Ogden. Let alone that it's my house and I can invite people over.

Maeby hasn't been doing well with sleeping AT ALL since we moved here and I think it's because we share a room. She gets put down and curtains get pulled around her bed and it's dark and she knows mommy and daddy are still there but they aren't holding or playing with her. She slept GREAT up in Ogden. GREAT. But I think since we've moved in I've gotten 5 maybe 6 good nights of sleep. Let alone that that usually means I wake Josh up so i don't have a break down and he loses sleep too. Maeby needs to sleep so I can sleep, so I can be a better mom and wife. Not to mention that the sharing a room thing isn't fun on me. I can't get on our computer while she's sleeping, I can't scrapbook, I can't be in there AT ALL while she sleeps. To get up in the morning I have to be 5 kinds of stealthy not to wake her up, just so I can take a shower and have that 15 minutes of ME TIME.

And this all started when we had to go back to the house to put up our new for sale sign (we has no realtor now). Walking through my house. Remembering how great it was to take pride in my house, to make my own food. I imagined chasing maeby around the rooms. I wouldn't have to worry if she's getting into anything because I'd know where it all was. Having our own rooms again. I miss it. I loved my house. I had forgotten how much. I've said it once and I'll say it again, if my house was in West Valley, I wouldn't EVER move! Not kindding. I love my house.

Any way...kinda strayed from the original purpose of the blog but it felt good to finally get that out. But as I said nothing is set in stone! One BIG reason we're staying here is that we're finally getting ourselves out of our little hole...wasn't big...but it's still nice to have the savings. But nothing is set it stone.

Anywho....new blog layout...YAY!